I first learned about the concept of Extreme Ownership in a book by U.S. Navy Seals, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin called, Extreme Ownership. I love learning about leadership from people who lead in high-stress situations, the kind that would make most people crumble. It’s EASY to lead if everything is going smoothly – but, what about when the “you know what” hits the fan? Those are the stories that I’m most interested in.
One thing that I’ve learned as the founder and CEO of a muti-million dollar company is that LEADERS are made when things get difficult and things DON’T go as planned.
So many struggling course creators have bought into a false narrative that people who are successful have had to deal with FEWER problems.
These struggling course creators spend their time AVOIDING problems as opposed to dealing with them. I should know because that was LITERALLY ME when I first started my business.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed when there were problems in my business. I believed these problems were a sign that I was not cut out to build a business. I thought everyone around me was doing well BECAUSE they had no problems.
Little did I know that ALL business owners face problems and just because I had a problem in my business…it didn’t mean I was any less of a business owner.
Learning how to overcome problems, as opposed to running away, was a skill that I learned over time by PRACTICING Extreme Ownership.
So, what the heck IS Extreme Ownership?
Extreme Ownership means being responsible for successfully meeting a goal. It means NOT blaming others when things go wrong and NOT giving up when things get hard. It means being flexible, resilient, and checking your ego at the door so you can get things done.
In the book, Extreme Ownership, Willink tells a story that took place while he was a Navy Seal Instructor, responsible for training thousands of Navy Seals.
In this case, he and other instructors were participating in a training exercise for a number of boat crews. Each boat crew had a crew of rowers and a leader. As part of their training, the boat crews would all compete against one another to see who could cross the finish line first.
Over and over again they raced. The instructors shouting commands at the leaders and the leaders shouting commands at their crew.
Well, the instructors noticed that something interesting was happening in every single race.
Boat Crew #6 came in dead last in every single race. Boat Crew #2 always came in first.
When the leader of Boat Crew #6 was questioned as to why he kept losing, he complained about his team and blamed THEM for losing the race.
So, the Navy Seal instructor decided to put that hypothesis to the test. He decided to SWITCH the boat crew leaders for Boat #6 and Boat #2. The crew remained the same, only the leaders were switched.
Can you guess what happened at the next race?
Suddenly, Boat Crew #6 came in first and Boat Crew #2 came in somewhere in the middle.
Not just once, but again and again and again. Boat #6 went from coming in dead last to coming in first place every single time.
The instructor did this to show the leader that the problem was NOT the team, it was the leadership. The leader of the Boat Crew that ALWAYS came in FIRST took extreme ownership of the outcome he decided to create, which in this case was to win first place.
He didn’t waste time in The Drama Triangle, playing the role of victim because a team member did something, playing the role of rescuer and trying to do their work for them, or playing the role of persecutor and blaming everyone when something went wrong.
He took responsibility and led. He decided that his team would win REGARDLESS of who was on his team or what mistakes would be made.
He thrived when circumstances were in his favor AND he thrived when circumstances were NOT in his favor. He recognized he had no control over his circumstances, but he ABSOLUTELY had control of how he chose to respond to circumstances.
I started practicing extreme ownership a couple years ago and it has completely changed the way I show up as a wife and a mother.
A couple months ago, when we were given directives to shelter in place, I grabbed the book and read it again and I’m SO GLAD I did.
Sheltering in place with my husband and daughter has revealed massive cracks in my own leadership. The shelter in place order didn’t CAUSE those cracks, it revealed them. The communication cadence I had with my family worked FINE when everything was hunky dory — but, coronavirus caused our circumstances to change OVERNIGHT and I quickly discovered I had a lot of internal work to do.
Practicing extreme ownership has been a real lifesaver for me during this time. It’s given me the tools I need to take responsibility for how I choose to show up for my family and my business.
While I can’t change my current circumstances, I can absolutely change my response to current circumstances.
My husband and I are both CEOs of our own businesses and are accustomed to being able to work while Callie is at school.
I remember the days when Callie was 2 and I was JUST starting to grow my own business. Those years were challenging as she was NOT in school and I was building this thing from scratch. I had to be flexible, working on my business at nights and on the weekend.
I had to work out a system with my husband where I would plan out my business work time in advance because his work schedule was FAR less flexible and we weren’t in a position where we could afford childcare.
Well, Callie has been in elementary school for the last 2 and a half years and during that time let’s just say my time management fell off the wagon a bit.
What I mean by that is for the last couple years, she would attend school all day. So, I wasn’t AS efficient as I could have been and I certainly didn’t have to plan business related tasks down to the minute. I did what I wanted and I had the whole day to do it.
Well, guess what? Those days are gone (for now).
Overnight many of us went from full time worker to full time worker AND full time parenter. As the breadwinner for my family and the leader of dozens of employees and contractors, it was NOT POSSIBLE for me to just hit pause on my business.
I don’t know how other mothers out there reacted, but I 100% went into rescue mode with my family.
I decided to assume all homeschooling responsibilities. I was going to teach my daughter full time, build my business full time, and transform into Superwoman.
Well, my husband knows me too well and was quick to call out my behavior. I was feeling frustrated and resentful one night after Callie was asleep, the dishes were done, and all my work tasks were completed, when he said, “Why are you trying to do everything here? That doesn’t make sense and nobody has asked you to do it.”
Oh, boy. I instantly realized what was going on here. He was 100% right. The Superwoman strategy made no sense and it wasn’t sustainable.
Also, was it REALLY serving my husband or daughter to run around like a crazy person trying to do all the cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, while simultaneously trying to do everything at work?
Not really. Wouldn’t my daughter be BETTER served if we BOTH helped? Did I really think ONLY I was capable of doing all the teaching and caring for the home? Well, yes, I did for a minute – but, then I realized that was ridiculous.
Going into rescue mode is NOT practicing extreme ownership, it’s trying to attain significance by “saving” people who don’t actually need to be saved.
My husband and I had to come together and create a plan that would ensure Callie would be able to complete schoolwork for the three months that remained in her school year AND that allowed us both to have time to work.
And by the way, that plan has been tweaked A LOT. We did not come up with the perfect plan at once. It was not effective at all, BUT, it was a plan. Something that we could improve upon overtime.
The plan is STILL not perfect, but most days it mostly works – which is great! Our current circumstances REQUIRED us to improve our communication skills and check in with each other more frequently to make sure we were on the same page – which is a skill that will CONTINUE to serve us in the future.
The communication skills I’ve developed while practicing extreme ownership in my marriage have ALSO shown up in how I choose to lead as a CEO.
Just as I am navigating this new normal for myself and my family, so is everyone on my team!
Caring for loved ones that are ill, dealing with spouses being furloughed, grieving for family members they have lost, and navigating the waters of having your kids home 24/7 is a lot.
…and it’s happening to everyone all at the same time, myself included!
It would be REALLY EASY to sink into a hole and do nothing, to fall into a panic and run around trying to do everyone’s job for them, or to start blaming others around me when things don’t go as planned…
But, the success of my business depends on me NOT doing any of those things.
Our company has NOT changed our revenue goals for the year and while there have been a few hiccups along the way, we are on track to meeting our targets…but, that is ONLY possible if I and everyone on my team practice extreme ownership.
So, tell me, what do YOU think about extreme ownership? Follow me on Instagram and send me a DM to let me know.
Want to learn more about practicing extreme ownership in your business? Be sure to request to join my FREE private FB group exclusively for online course creators just like you by visiting caitlinbacher.com/group
Already in there? Amazing!! Make sure to follow me on Instagram and let me know which part of today’s episode resonated with you the most.
Thanks so much and make sure to tune in next week for another episode of The Caitlin Bacher Show.
Today’s episode is brought to you by Scale With Success® Accelerator — an online course designed to help you generate launch-sized revenue without lanching. If you want to learn MORE about our proven method for success, click here to watch my free masterclass. See you in there!