Have you ever noticed how one small setback in your business can spiral into something much bigger?
A slow sales week turns into, “Maybe this isn’t working.”
A team mistake turns into, “Why does this always happen to me?”
A rude comment turns into days of second-guessing yourself.
It’s subtle. It happens fast. And if you’re not paying attention, it can quickly drain your confidence, your leadership, and your revenue.
There’s a psychological pattern that ambitious entrepreneurs fall into all the time, especially high-achievers who care deeply about their work. It’s called The Drama Triangle.
And if you don’t learn how to recognize it, it can keep you stuck in cycles of blame, frustration, over-functioning, and burnout… all while your business stalls.
In today’s episode, I’m breaking down exactly what The Drama Triangle is, how it shows up in your online course business, and how to quickly shift out of it so you can lead yourself and your company – from a grounded, powerful place instead.
Because the most expensive mistakes in business usually aren’t strategic.
They’re emotional.
Let’s dive in.
My name is Caitlin Bacher, CEO of Scale With Success®, and I’m on a mission to help course creators all over the world grow their business in a way that is profitable and scalable. I’m sharing revealing insights about what it really takes to scale an online course business to millions of dollars per year. Join me here to discover the tough decisions I’ve had to make, the biggest failures I’ve had to bounce back from, and the learnings that emerged every step of the way. I’m so grateful that I have the chance to tell you everything right here on Scale With Success®: The Podcast. Let’s get started.
Alright, now that we’re back, let’s set the stage for what we’re actually talking about here.
Some of you have heard me talk about The Drama Triangle before, but let’s review.
The Drama Triangle is a framework created by Dr. Stephen Karpman back in the 1960s to illustrate how people deal with conflict. He observed that when conflict occurs, we tend to slip into one of three roles: Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer.
And here’s the important part: choosing to play one of those roles often prevents us from taking the actions we need to take to actually move forward.
And as business owners, if we’re not moving forward, we’re losing money. We’re losing momentum. We’re losing confidence. And that’s not a place any course creator wants to stay for long.
One of the reasons I love this framework is because Karpman doesn’t label people, he labels the behavior. These are roles we step into. Not identities we’re stuck with.
Truthfully, I know that I can cycle through all three roles within the first ten minutes of encountering conflict if I’m not careful. And let’s be honest, being a business owner is filled with opportunities for conflict every single day.
Conflict with clients.
Conflict with team members.
Conflict with vendors.
Conflict with your own expectations.
Even conflict within yourself.
Successful business owners don’t avoid conflict – that’s impossible. They learn how to navigate it. And automatically stepping into Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer mode every time something doesn’t go your way? That’s not conducive to growth.
Now, I’m all about growth over perfection. You’re going to find yourself in these roles from time to time. I still do. The key isn’t to eliminate them forever, it’s to recognize yourself in the role quickly so you can pull yourself out of it.
So if you notice you’re playing the role of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor when conflict shows up in your business… how do you stop?
Let’s start with the first role most course creators slip into when things feel hard:
#1: Playing the Role of Victim
Let’s start by investigating the role of Victim.
First, I want to say something really important. Playing the role of Victim does NOT mean you’re weak, dramatic, or incapable. It means you care. It means something didn’t go the way you expected and your brain is trying to protect you.
When you encounter conflict and choose to play the role of Victim, you’re likely telling yourself things like:
“This isn’t working now, which means it will never work…”
“I’m upset and there’s no way to fix this…”
“Why does this always happen to me?”
Your language becomes very absolute. Always. Never. Nothing.
You might feel heavy. Stuck. Powerless. Like everything is happening to you.
People around you may even be actively trying to help and proposing various solutions, but all you can see is the problem.
Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. And it feels terrible. The problem becomes all-consuming and it can genuinely feel like there’s no way out.
But here’s the good news: there IS an escape and it starts with one simple question.
That question is:
“What is the outcome I’m looking to create?”
The moment you ask that, something shifts.
You don’t need to know HOW yet. You don’t need the full plan. You just need to decide WHAT you want instead of what you’re currently experiencing.
Doing that immediately shifts your perspective from being problem-focused to outcome-focused.
In that moment, you are no longer a Victim, you’re a Creator.
A Creator clearly identifies the outcome they want and then begins exploring possible paths to get there. A Creator seeks support. A Creator experiments. A Creator adjusts.
Notice the difference.
Victim energy says, “This is happening to me.”
Creator energy says, “What do I want to build instead?”
And here’s what I really want you to hear: slipping into Victim mode is not a character flaw. It’s a stress response. It’s human. The key is not avoiding it forever, it’s recognizing it quickly so you can shift out of it.
So here’s a simple reset you can use anytime:
Notice: “I’m spiraling.”
Name: “This is Victim mode.”
Shift: “What outcome am I looking to create?”
That small moment of awareness is powerful. Because the second you ask that question, you take your power back.
And that changes everything.
#2: Playing the Role of Persecutor
Now let’s talk about the role of Persecutor.
And again, before we go any further, I want to normalize this.
Playing the role of Persecutor does NOT mean you’re a bad leader or an unkind person. It usually means you feel hurt, threatened, embarrassed, or out of control and your brain is trying to protect you by pushing the discomfort outward.
When you encounter conflict and choose to play the role of Persecutor, you are actively blaming others and saying increasingly sharp or exaggerated things to get your point across.
Your tone might get harsher. Your patience gets thinner. Your thoughts sound like:
“This is your fault.”
“If you had just done your job, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“I didn’t get the outcome I wanted because of YOU.”
“You probably don’t even care.”
People might genuinely be trying to help, but all you can focus on is proving that someone else caused the problem. You spend all your energy building the case.
And underneath that blame is usually fear.
Fear that you made a mistake.
Fear that you missed something.
Fear that maybe you’re not as in control as you thought.
Blame feels powerful in the moment, but it keeps you stuck. Because the second your success depends on other people behaving perfectly, you’ve handed your power away.
So when you catch yourself slipping into Persecutor mode, here are the questions to ask:
“How have I contributed to this outcome?”
“What learning opportunity is here for me?”
Notice, this is not about shaming yourself. It’s about reclaiming ownership.
Those questions shift you from Persecutor into Challenger.
And a Challenger doesn’t attack others – they challenge themselves.
A Challenger believes:
“I can grow from this.”
“I can get stronger.”
“I can solve this.”
Now here’s the hard truth I mentioned earlier:
If you believe that your success is dependent on what other people do or don’t do, you’re in trouble because you cannot control other people.
But you CAN control your response.
When you step into the role of Challenger, you are choosing to believe that you will succeed no matter what. You see every setback, obstacle, or miscommunication as feedback, not betrayal.
And here’s what’s hopeful about that:
You don’t need perfect team members.
You don’t need perfect clients.
You don’t need perfect circumstances.
You need the willingness to look inward and ask better questions.
So here’s your reset when you feel the heat rising:
Notice: “I’m blaming.”
Name: “This is Persecutor mode.”
Shift: “What is this here to teach me?”
That shift doesn’t make you weaker.
It makes you unstoppable.
#3: Playing the Role of Rescuer
Now let’s talk about the role of Rescuer.
And just like the other two, this one is incredibly common, especially for high-achieving, responsible, capable course creators.
If you tend to be the “strong one,” the dependable one, the one who gets it done no matter what… this role might feel very familiar.
When you encounter conflict and choose to play the role of Rescuer, you step in and take over.
You think you’re helping – and in the short term, maybe you are.
But what’s really happening is this: you are preventing someone else from learning, growing, or taking ownership.
People might even be saying, “It’s okay, I’ve got this,” but you don’t quite believe them.
Deep down, there’s a thought that sounds like:
“It’s just faster if I do it.”
“They’re going to mess it up.”
“I can’t afford for this to go wrong.”
So you jump in.
You fix it.
You redo it.
You clean it up.
And for a moment, you feel like the hero.
But that feeling doesn’t last.
Because eventually, it turns into exhaustion.
Then resentment.
Then the thought: “Why do I have to do everything around here?”
And just like that, you can flip straight into Persecutor… or even Victim.
Here’s the part that’s really important:
Rescuing often comes from fear.
Fear that things won’t be done “right.”
Fear that mistakes will cost you.
Fear that letting go means losing control.
But here’s the truth about evergreen growth and about scaling anything:
If you don’t let other people struggle a little so that they can learn how to do it, your business will always depend entirely on you.
And that is not scalable.
That is not sustainable.
And it is definitely not freeing.
So when you notice yourself stepping in too quickly, ask this question:
“What can I do to support them in their own learning?”
Not: “How can I fix this?”
Not: “How can I make this perfect?”
But: “How can I support them in figuring this out?”
That question shifts you from Rescuer into Coach.
And a Coach believes:
“They are capable.”
“Mistakes are part of growth.”
“My role is to guide, not to control.”
When you step into the role of Coach, you don’t abandon people – you empower them.
You allow space for problem-solving.
You allow space for ownership.
You allow space for growth.
And here’s the hopeful part:
Nothing is wrong with you if you tend to rescue.
It likely means you are competent.
You care deeply.
You take responsibility seriously.
Those are strengths.
But like any strength, overused, they can become a liability.
So here’s your reset when you feel yourself jumping in:
Notice: “I’m taking over.”
Name: “This is Rescuer mode.”
Shift: “How can I coach instead of control?”
Because real leadership, and real scalability, isn’t built on doing everything yourself.
It’s built on trusting that growth sometimes looks messy.
And that’s okay.
So let’s bring this all together.
Today we talked about The Drama Triangle and the three roles we tend to slip into when conflict shows up in our businesses:
The Victim.
The Persecutor.
And The Rescuer.
None of these roles mean something is wrong with you.
They mean you’re human.
They mean you care.
They mean you’re trying.
They mean you’re growing.
Conflict is not a sign that your business is broken.
It’s a sign that your business is moving forward.
But staying stuck in those roles? That’s what slows everything down.
When you play the role of Victim, you feel powerless, so you shift by asking:
“What outcome am I looking to create?”
And you become the Creator.
When you play the role of Persecutor, you give your power away through blame, so you shift by asking:
“How have I contributed to this, and what is this here to teach me?”
And you become the Challenger.
When you play the role of Rescuer, you over-function and eventually burn out, so you shift by asking:
“How can I support their learning instead of taking over?”
And you become the Coach.
Every one of those shifts moves you from reactive to intentional.
From emotional to strategic.
From stuck to forward-moving.
And as business owners, forward motion is everything.
You don’t need to avoid conflict to be successful.
You need to learn how to navigate it without getting trapped inside it.
And the beautiful part?
The more quickly you recognize these roles, the less time you spend spinning and the more time you spend building.
More clarity.
More leadership.
More revenue.
More resilience.
Nothing is wrong with you if you see yourself in these roles.
The only difference between struggling course creators and successful scalers is awareness and the willingness to shift.
I appreciate you being here and be sure to tune in next time for another episode of Scale With Success® – The Podcast.
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